Whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist may not affect the outcome. It’s just that the optimist has a better time in life”.

So what are you choosing to be and did you think you were born that way? Well no actually, that’s what you are choosing for yourself, because that’s the way you are choosing to think. Unless, of course, you are remotely controlled by some unknown life force? No…. I thought not.

So obviously if you are an optimist then well done and long may it continue. However if not, and you are a glass half empty kind of person, does it make you stop and wonder how you pulled the short straw…oops there it goes again!

I give full credit to James Borg for what follows and I recommend you read his book in full, it’s a potential life changer.

What I want to recount to you now is the key to the magic box where you can retrieve your subscription papers that declare lifelong membership to the Pessimists Club. Actually it’s not so much a key as a question really and it might just change the way you see yourself and the way you justify your thoughts and your feelings to yourself.

The key question is this:

Do you control your mind? Or do you let your mind control you?

We are all the product of what we think, from second to second, minute to minute the incessant commentary that we create as we talk to ourselves in our heads will lead us to the actions and then create the feelings that we experience. Its worth repeating that….

Your thoughts come first and then feelings follow.

It is simply not possible to have a feeling without the precursor of a thought. So when we tell ourselves “I can’t help the way that I feel, it’s just the way I am and there’s nothing I can do about it”, what we are actually doing is choosing to keep ourselves boxed into that negative mindset because they are the thoughts that we are choosing for ourselves. Some even argue for their weaknesses and list reasons why they can’t improve their life, such as “it’s my upbringing” “it’s my genes”, “it’s bad luck”.

However these things, no matter how strong, can only ever be influences upon us, they do not determine us. We always have the ability to think differently and thereby improve ourselves and our responses to all that we encounter and experience. We cannot control what happens to us or how other people treat us but we always have the freedom to choose our mental and emotional response, our outlook and attitude.

So what are you choosing? Do you think of yourself as a pessimist?

Don’t forget “”whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist, may not affect the outcome. It’s just that the optimist has a better time in life”.

Today’s important posting comes from Kari Boyle, Executive Director of Mediate BC Society:

November 14, 2011:  The BC Government introduced a Bill today that proposes a major overhaul of family law in the province.  The Family Law Act makes significant changes including:

• Provides a comprehensive scheme to determine a child’s legal parents, including situations where reproductive technology has been used
• Makes children’s best interests the only consideration in parenting disputes
• Changes key language (“guardianship” rather than “custody”; “parenting time” instead of “access”)
• Adds new provisions on relocation
• Extends the property division regime to common law spouses
• Clarifies the division of pensions
• Replaces restraining orders with protection orders enforceable under the Criminal Code
• Introduces family law arbitration and

In addition, and of particular interest to family mediators:

•   The Family Law Act as a whole promotes co-operation to the extent possible, including by:

◦                    Structuring the law so that court is not the implied starting point

◦                    Promoting a broader range of non-court dispute resolution options including:

▪                                      Mediation

▪                                      Parenting coordination

▪                                      Arbitration

▪                                      Assistance from family justice counsellors

• The Act encourages agreements (including those resulting from mediation) and clarifies when and how an agreement may be set aside
• The Court may make a “conduct order” to manage behavior and to facilitate resolution through referrals to family dispute resolution

•   Family dispute resolution professionals (lawyers, mediators, parenting coordinators and family justice counsellors) must screen for family violence and discuss with the party the advisability of using various types of family dispute resolution to resolve the matter

•   Lawyers must certify that information about family dispute resolution options has been provided prior to filing court documents

•   A court must ensure that a proceeding is conducted in a way that minimizes delay and formality, reduces conflict, promotes cooperation and protects those involved from family violence

•   Section 245 states that the Lieutenant Governor in Council may make regulations to:

◦                    Prescribe other dispute resolution processes

◦                    Prescribe the training and other qualifications required for family dispute resolution professionals

◦                    Mandate family dispute resolution or procedures

Mediate BC supports the proposed Family Law Act as a major step towards the goal of timely, affordable and effective resolution of family disputes.

The First Reading draft of the Family Law Act (Bill 16 – 2011) can be found at http://www.leg.bc.ca/39th4th/1st_read/gov16-1.htm.

As well, you may wish to see the Ministry’s web page on the family law legislation http://www.ag.gov.bc.ca/legislation/family-law/index.htm.

The new Act is not expected to take effect for at least one year after it is passed into law.  Mediate BC will offer professional development opportunities for mediators about the new Act.